It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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