So drunk its hurt
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
