I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
