I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
