Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
