Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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