What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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