and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
