Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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