I just saw a hot homeless man
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
