I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think your dad took our porno
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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