So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
