the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
