There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
