Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
