Whod you bang
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
