I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
