FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
