I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
