you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
