We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have fence marks all over my body
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
