How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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