Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
