It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
