I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Watching her eat just hurts me
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
