Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
