do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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