i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
