is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
