He disabled his match.com account in front of me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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