that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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