Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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