i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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