haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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