i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
