and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
