You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
