you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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