My first STD was from a foam party
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
