I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
