That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
