planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
