Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
