My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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