Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
