Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
