If i come over, it means nothing
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
