Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
