I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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