Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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