Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
